The Real Definition of Jihad

From the Uncyclopedia:

Jihad (also jehad, gehad, gihad, ʒehad, ʒihad or yihad ^[1]) is an Arabic word which literally means "Party!" However, in modern day usage it refers to a (JIHAD!!) hobby that focuses on blowing up several infidels by strapping bombs to a terminally ill cancer patient volunteer and detonating them by yelling ALLAHU AKBAR!!! in the hopes of converting them to your religion. Interestingly the word infidel used to be defined exclusively as 'those not following the teachings of Great Prophet' (Jews, Christians, Hindus, Little Endians, etc) In some places there was an acute shortage of these, especially in those countries where Jihad (JIHAD!!) is most popular. So a ruling was made by the Arab League Olympic Committee to 'open up' the definition to include anybody who doesn't agree 100% to everything you think, say and do. This ended the infidel drought and allowed teams in developing countries to get in much needed pre-tournament practice. Strangely enough Fidel Castro is an infidel.
Jihad is currently the national sport of Syria, and they beat Saudi Arabia in the Jihad World Cup, despite also losing themselves(JIHAD!!). Jihad became popular after the Intifada (JIHAD!!) of 1974, when Jihad became the official hobby (JIHAD!!) of the Middle East. Hummus and Fatah officials quickly accepted this rather brutal activity as a legitimate hobby, (possibly the only thing they have ever agreed on). (JIHAD!!) Most Jihadists quote popular propaganda from such radical America-haters (JIHAD!!) as Osama Bin Laden, Yasser Arafat and George Bush (JIHAD!!).
As in many world sports The USA play their own version with subtly different rules. The US version is based on an ancient European game called crusade also known as 'Holier than thou' or 'Who's God is it anyway?'. The modern player, as with (JIHAD!!) uses high explosives as a debating strategy however larger bombs are used and the player who detonates them is 15,000 miles away when it goes off.
To encourage jihadists they are told that they will spend all eternity with twenty virgins should they die in battle. Ever spent time with twenty virgins eh? Incessant giggling and strong conviction that a kiss on the cheek will rock your world. They are virgins for a REASON guy. Now if you would get eternity with twenty dirty, dirty f**kers I might join myself.
Jihad usually occurs before the muslims have met any of the virgins.